Just in case you were wondering, I am the meanest Mom in the world. Yes, that's right, the contest is over, and I've won. Get ready for a recital of my crimes.
1. I made my son practice violin. (Actually, that battle is still being engaged - he's sitting with the violin on his lap, but hasn't actually made any sounds come out of it yet. He's too busy weeping over my cruelty)
2. I made my other son stop screaming at his sister because she kept shooting his guy on Wii Lego Star Wars. In fact, I made him stop playing altogether and go to his room. That's right, his ROOM. Filled to overflowing with toys, books, and stuffed animals of every shape and size. *Shudder*.
3. I wasn't pleased when my daughter spilled red food coloring-dyed water out of the ziplock bag onto the rug. Granted, I didn't scream that time - Don did, so I got a few mean-ness points deducted for that. But still, I wasn't pleased.
4. I may have cursed slightly at my phone when I got the alert that school was cancelled again today. I don't think I did it so the kids could hear, but still, I wasn't filled to the brim with the joy of the prospect of another day housebound with my darling angels, and that makes me a bad mother.
You see, it snowed. On Saturday. A whole seven inches. And since then, (gasp!), it has continued to be cold outside and so, mysteriously, the snow is still there. Therefore, the roads are a deathtrap, people, BLACK ICE!!!!!, and no-one in their right mind is allowed out of doors. School must be cancelled. Businesses are shut down. Families are quarantined inside their houses and left scrounge the cupboards for the last can of spaghettios and scratch each other's eyes out. I really need to go grocery shopping, but I have 20 dollars in my purse, and oh yeah - DEATH TRAP!!! BLACK ICE!!! So I guess we'll just have to suffer.
Other mean things I have done: Forced them all to watch movies and play video games. Enforced book reading time. Required the oldest child to make chocolate chip cookies. Sent them out in the snow to (eek!) PLAY.
It's true, people. WORST MOTHER EVER. I'm expecting the statuette and the big giant check any minute now. As soon as it comes, I'm going to the grocery store, BLACK ICE be damned.