Tuesday, February 02, 2010

They hate me! They really hate me!

Just in case you were wondering, I am the meanest Mom in the world. Yes, that's right, the contest is over, and I've won. Get ready for a recital of my crimes.
1. I made my son practice violin. (Actually, that battle is still being engaged - he's sitting with the violin on his lap, but hasn't actually made any sounds come out of it yet. He's too busy weeping over my cruelty)
2. I made my other son stop screaming at his sister because she kept shooting his guy on Wii Lego Star Wars. In fact, I made him stop playing altogether and go to his room. That's right, his ROOM. Filled to overflowing with toys, books, and stuffed animals of every shape and size. *Shudder*.
3. I wasn't pleased when my daughter spilled red food coloring-dyed water out of the ziplock bag onto the rug. Granted, I didn't scream that time - Don did, so I got a few mean-ness points deducted for that. But still, I wasn't pleased.
4. I may have cursed slightly at my phone when I got the alert that school was cancelled again today. I don't think I did it so the kids could hear, but still, I wasn't filled to the brim with the joy of the prospect of another day housebound with my darling angels, and that makes me a bad mother.
You see, it snowed. On Saturday. A whole seven inches. And since then, (gasp!), it has continued to be cold outside and so, mysteriously, the snow is still there. Therefore, the roads are a deathtrap, people, BLACK ICE!!!!!, and no-one in their right mind is allowed out of doors. School must be cancelled. Businesses are shut down. Families are quarantined inside their houses and left scrounge the cupboards for the last can of spaghettios and scratch each other's eyes out. I really need to go grocery shopping, but I have 20 dollars in my purse, and oh yeah - DEATH TRAP!!! BLACK ICE!!! So I guess we'll just have to suffer.
Other mean things I have done: Forced them all to watch movies and play video games. Enforced book reading time. Required the oldest child to make chocolate chip cookies. Sent them out in the snow to (eek!) PLAY.
It's true, people. WORST MOTHER EVER. I'm expecting the statuette and the big giant check any minute now. As soon as it comes, I'm going to the grocery store, BLACK ICE be damned.


M.M. said...

They do grow up very fast. Believe it or not.
Try to hang in.

Melissa said...

Huh...maybe its ok that my ovaries are on strike. Maybe they're worried about all the black ice.

Blackbird said...

Um, has anyone ever actually taught him how to practice the violin? Not how to play - how to practice. None of my teachers did until I was in 11th grade. Unless his teacher has had a better idea, try this one:
1) 2 min: pick 3 emotions. Using only open strings, see if you can make sounds that match each emotion. (Hating Mom is always good for starters.)
2) 1 min: tune your violin. Puleeze.
3) 1 min: play a scale. Try different rhythms and volume levels.
4) 7 min: play the songs you're learning from your teacher. Play each one three times - once slowly with good rhythm and every note in tune, once as fast as you can (even if it's a slow song), and then once at the regular speed.
5) 1 min: put your violin down, wiggle your fingers, stretch your arms, and go pee.
5) 3 min: play a song you've never played before, or haven't played for a couple of months.
6) 5 min: play a couple of songs with your computer program.
7) 3 min: experiment with making up your own music. Figure out how to play a song you heard on TV, or make up a new song. See how many weird sounds you can make.
That's plenty for a 10-year-old. A chart and a kitchen timer that he can set for each step helps, too.

And for crying out loud, DON'T yell a running commentary from the other room. It's VERY distracting, and interferes with steps 1 and 7.

M.M. said...

Hey, Lisa--sounds good!!! Take it away,Amy!

Melissa said...

Huh...I never really had any idea how to practice either...

Carol said...

Hating Mom is a good thing----that means your a good Mom. They'll hate you at times, but thank you later. Sound like good info from Blackbird. Hope there was school today. Forecast here: 6-8 inches snow, sleet, and freezing rain! "This too shall pass!" (for the hate and for the snow)

CassandraMadeIt said...

After sharing those wonderful steps with your son, make sure to have lots of fun with kids... but tell Don that you were bad, very bad. Yes, a bad girl indeed. Perhaps he knows a suitable punishment... ;)