Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Warning...turbulence ahead.

Okay, fine. Fine! I'm NOT fine. I've been trying...TRYING SO HARD...to focus on the positives, to count my blessings, to be thankful for all we have. And I AM. I am thankful, and there are lots of positive blessings.
Right now I'm going to vent. If you don't want to be spewed on, stop reading now.

The van is totalled. MY van is totalled. Which means, the insurance company now owns it, and they will, eventually give us some money for it. About $3800. Do you know what kind of minivan you can buy for $3800? Model: Jack. Make: Squat.
And, of course, they want the rental car back tomorrow. How am I supposed to function without a car? How am I supposed to look for another car without a car???
And the car seat.
Did I mention they have to destroy the car seat? The boosters are okay, but our nice, expensive toddler seat/convertible booster has to go.
I spent the day on the internet looking for cars. I found some exciting possibilites, but none panned out. What I want, what I'd really like to salvage out of this situation, is to upgrade to a nicer van, with low mileage, that won't break down within three months.
Alas, it is not to be. Because everything in our price range is crap. Cruddy looking, high mileage, leering at us, ready to break down if you blink at it.
Why is this always what it comes down to? Stupid frigging money. Everything is about money. Where we live, what we drive, what I fix for dinner, what activities the kids can do. I'm freaking sick of it. I HATE complaining about money. WHAT could be more boring. But guess what? It's boring living it too. Boring and frustrating and shitty. I know lots of people are living with it, dealing with it every day. I know many many many people are worse off than we are. I know these things. I know it's just how things are, and tomorrow, I'll go back to putting my head down and plowing through. Facing the day. Worrying about the future. Tomorrow.
Right now, I just want to be pissed off. And about that weight loss thing? I EAT when I'm pissed off and scared and frustrated. So poop.


Melissa said...

Well, crap. I'll let you know if I hear of anything good. I'm sure Steve would let you use his car, but I'm not sure I'd wish it on you.

Beckie Hidy said...

Amy - I am right there with you and it felt good to read your "rant" blog! I feel the same way about money!!!! I am tired of wondering if we will EVER be comfortable.... Wish money didn't make the world go round...but maybe dirt or something...I have plenty of that =)