It's really not a big deal being 40. I'm still exactly the same person I was yesterday. However, I'm not the person I was last year! Here's last year's "birthday" post:
"There is just something about October that brings out the most incredible blue skies and color contrasts with the leaves. I remember distinctly that last year, on my birthday, I had just discovered the walking route that took me up to the top of the hills by the beautiful meadows. I remember looking at the sky and breathing the air, and feeling really happy.This year, for some reason, I'm feeling blue. Overwhelmed, tired. I spent my birthday feeling old and dull and stupid. And fat. I've been trying to walk or run almost everyday, but I'm not making any progress. It's frigging ridiculous how time consuming this application process is. If I had a full time job, I'd never be able to do it. I've spent at LEAST 20 hours this week alone on essay questions, ordering transcripts, requesting letters of recommendation, and filling out forms. And I'm not done yet!!!! And then I think about how small the chances are that I'll actually get into these programs, and it feels like a total waste of time. Of course, the chances are smaller if I don't apply, so there you are."
And now, I'm in a new city, a new house (although it's not mine), I'm an MFA student - I did it! All that work and stress and anxiety, and here I am. Not that it's not still stressful and lots of work, and if Don doesn't get a job soon we will be in a lot of trouble, but still I DID IT! I am 40, and an MFA student. I am SO glad I took this risk, and SO grateful for all the support of my friends and family that allowed me to do it.
I had breakfast in bed this morning - Cheerios and coffee (which I had to go downstairs and doctor before I could drink it) with three wonderful cards from my babies. I have to say, Tarzan's really made me laugh. The front says "Happy Birthday Mommy!" There's a picture of me with a speech bubble saying "Wow! It's my birthday already!" Then the inside says, "I'm going to miss that 39 mommy. But a new 40 mommy is here. I'm going to have a good time with new mommy." Then there's another picture of me with a really big head, and a speech bubble saying "Hey! My head is not this big! It's still my birthday!"
Frankly, I'm not going to miss that 39 mommy.
The new 40 mommy is here, and I'm going to have a good time with new mommy.