Monday, October 05, 2009


It's really not a big deal being 40. I'm still exactly the same person I was yesterday. However, I'm not the person I was last year! Here's last year's "birthday" post:

"There is just something about October that brings out the most incredible blue skies and color contrasts with the leaves. I remember distinctly that last year, on my birthday, I had just discovered the walking route that took me up to the top of the hills by the beautiful meadows. I remember looking at the sky and breathing the air, and feeling really happy.This year, for some reason, I'm feeling blue. Overwhelmed, tired. I spent my birthday feeling old and dull and stupid. And fat. I've been trying to walk or run almost everyday, but I'm not making any progress. It's frigging ridiculous how time consuming this application process is. If I had a full time job, I'd never be able to do it. I've spent at LEAST 20 hours this week alone on essay questions, ordering transcripts, requesting letters of recommendation, and filling out forms. And I'm not done yet!!!! And then I think about how small the chances are that I'll actually get into these programs, and it feels like a total waste of time. Of course, the chances are smaller if I don't apply, so there you are."

And now, I'm in a new city, a new house (although it's not mine), I'm an MFA student - I did it! All that work and stress and anxiety, and here I am. Not that it's not still stressful and lots of work, and if Don doesn't get a job soon we will be in a lot of trouble, but still I DID IT! I am 40, and an MFA student. I am SO glad I took this risk, and SO grateful for all the support of my friends and family that allowed me to do it.

I had breakfast in bed this morning - Cheerios and coffee (which I had to go downstairs and doctor before I could drink it) with three wonderful cards from my babies. I have to say, Tarzan's really made me laugh. The front says "Happy Birthday Mommy!" There's a picture of me with a speech bubble saying "Wow! It's my birthday already!" Then the inside says, "I'm going to miss that 39 mommy. But a new 40 mommy is here. I'm going to have a good time with new mommy." Then there's another picture of me with a really big head, and a speech bubble saying "Hey! My head is not this big! It's still my birthday!"

Frankly, I'm not going to miss that 39 mommy.

The new 40 mommy is here, and I'm going to have a good time with new mommy.


Angela said...

Happy birthday! I'm happy for you that you're in a good place in your life.

Thanks for the advice about sickling! I think I get it! It has to do with the rotation of the ankle, I think? Thank you!

M.M. said...

Happy Birthday again,baby girl. You will always be my baby, smilng, talking crashing into things and coming up black and blue but ready to move forward. some things don't change do they?
Congratulations 40 Mommy!

Blackbird said...

Well, you made out better than Cinderella did on the birthday card front. "Sometimes you are a pain but you are still pretty" may be honest, but I don't think he has a career at Hallmarks in his future.

Sawdust said...

Happy Birthday Amy. We're really proud of you for your courage and commitment. Hang in there and enjoy!
Love you.

CassandraMadeIt said...

Happy (belated) Birthday beautiful lady. 40 looks good on you.
Am very proud of you for following your dreams. So much good will come of what you're doing... years later you'll look back with a wistful grin at this time... and look around at all your accomplishments!
Wish I could have sent a timely message- I was in the hospital w/ an MS exacerbation. Was a tough one (lost use of both legs and left arm). But today, I'm close back to normal... well, as normal as I could every be. :D
Missing you tons and hoping things are just getting better and better and better!!! :DDDDD